D-escort blog

(Visiting Bristol 27-28-29 August, call or mail asap to arrange)

 I have a new Punternet review! Thank you very much M! xxxx

The Goya paintings we spoke of..will have to sort out the photos!

‘The Naked Dollymopp’ by er..me. Worth £3 or summat…

http://www.punternet.com/frs/fr_view.php?recnum=91396

(Visiting Bristol 27-28-29 August, call or mail asap to arrange)

Recently, I had a post funtime call from a very lovely gentleman..(I have his permission to tell the tale here )

Well.. the fun was over, and he was in a hurry to get to a meeting, and upon leaving, we did the check – got wallet, got pants on right way round, got bag etc…

Later, he called me and told me this…

He had gone to the bathroom when he left me.. and found that he had trouble…weeing.

‘Whatever is the matter here..’ he thought..

He still had the condom on! Hahahahaaa, we were howling like hyenas!

(I was in John Lewis, and had to hide in a corner to do my muffled howling, haha)

99.9% of the time, I do the geisha girl removal/tidy up, but this one time…

He was wandering about the West End with the condom still attached and didn’t even feel it!

His face must have been a picture..all confused and forlorn..

‘I can’t wee, what’s wrong here..oh what’s this..’ Hahahaha

Oh, I Will Dine Out On This For Years…well, only with those in the know, hehe.  

Thank you for allowing me to tell the tale! xxx

Oooh suits you Sir, do you want to wear it Sir, I mean the condom Sir, Ooh! (UK humour ..ok?.. See-The Fast Show on  www.youtube.com)

Pasante Condoms, quintessentially, the comfortable brand of choice, obviously.. !

www.pasante.com

Found some stuff online… 

The history of condoms

1000 BC

The use of condoms can be traced back several thousand years. It is
known that around 1000 BC the ancient Egyptians used a linen sheath for
protection against disease.¹

100 – 200 AD

The earliest evidence of condom use in Europe comes from scenes in cave paintings at Combarelles in France.² There is also some evidence that some form of condom was used in imperial Rome.³

1500s

The syphilis epidemic that spread across Europe gave rise to the first
published account of the condom. Gabrielle Fallopius described a sheath
of linen he claimed to have invented to protect men against syphilis.⁴
Having been found useful for prevention of infection, it was only later
that the usefulness of the condom for the prevention of pregnancy was
recognised.

Later in the 1500s, one of the first improvements to the condom was
made, when the linen cloth sheaths were sometimes soaked in a chemical
solution and then allowed to dry prior to use. These were the first
spermicides on condoms.⁵

1700s

The first published use of the world ‘condum’ was in a 1706 poem.⁶
It has also been suggested that Condom was a doctor in the time of
Charles II. It is believed that he invented the device to help the king
to prevent the birth of more illegitimate children.⁷

Even the most famous lover of all, Casanova, was using the condom as a birth control as well as against infection.⁸

Condoms made out of animal intestines began to be available. However,
they were quite expensive and the unfortunate result was that they were
often reused. This type of condom was described at the time as “an
armour against pleasure, and a cobweb against infection”.

In the second half of the 1700′s, a trade in handmade condoms
thrived in London and some shops where producing handbills and
advertisements of condoms.⁹

1800s

The use of condoms was affected by technological, economic and social development in Europe and the US in the 1800s.

Condom manufacturing was revolutionised by the discovery of rubber
vulcanisation by Goodyear (founder of the tyre company) and Hancock.
This meant that is was possible to mass produce rubber goods including
condoms quickly and cheaply. Vulcanisation is a process, which turns
the rubber into a strong elastic material.¹⁰

In 1861,the first advertisement for condoms was published in an
American newspaper when The New York Times printed an ad. for ‘Dr.
Power’s French Preventatives.’

In 1873, the Comstock Law was passed. Named after Anthony Comstock,
the Comstock Law made illegal the advertising of any sort of birth
control, and it also allowed the postal service to confiscate condoms
sold through the mail.

1900s

Until the 1920s, most condoms were manufactured by hand-dipping from rubber cement……

http://www.punternet.com/frs/fr_view.php?recnum=91287

And thank you very much darling! Chocolate melts at 37 degrees..body temperature..mmm! *wink*

This is absolutely hilarious, equally sad..and when it was written, it was meant to be serious..

I read it out loud to myself in old ‘BBC’ received pronunciation English, spiffing splendid fun, what!

In 1894, Ruth Smythers the ‘beloved wife’ (how did this come about?) of the Reverend L.D. Smythers wrote:

‘While sex is at it’s best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured..’

Poor Ruthie was obviously married to a dreadful man who wasn’t very nice in the bedroom department.. What an awful life she must have led, the poor woman. She should have become a floozy..she would have had a better time of it!

So wrong, so sad, so oppressed, it’s comical and yet..it isn’t. I feel very sorry for dear Ruthie.

It’s called ‘SEX TIPS’, how curious a title..when it’s really a list of ‘how to not have sex at all’..

Here’s a few of those ‘tips’-

‘To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life’

‘On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time, the terrible experience of sex’

‘Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude!’

‘A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year or marriage’

‘As time goes by, she should make every effort to reduce this frequency’

‘Feigned illness, sleepiness and headaches are among the wife’s best friends in this matter’

It gets better/worse/utterly horrifying ..it’s only £2.99 at Foyles Books.

Thank You Ruthie darling, Thank You…You are the reason I endure through the centuries, and always will..I wish I could have met you. I’m sure I would have made your life more bearable. Mind you..I would be much the poorer for it!

Ruthie may have survived better if she had access to something like www.littlebitcheaper.blogspot.com

I know I am going to Bristol in August, 27-28-29..want to meet me?

I am going to see the www.banksy.co.uk exhibition..

Might be exhibiting a couple of my own Bristols at the same time, hehe.

If these dates are good for you, let me know..asap! I don’t do short notice as you know..

I will be central, near the train station, in a comfy nice hotel. Come and join me for a while?

1hr visits are available when I’m out of London too.

As we are having some lovely weather, I thought I might do some sightseeing in places of historical interest..you know how I love history!

One place I have always wanted to visit is York.

So of course, I would make some time to meet up with a visitor or two whilst there?

If you would like to visit me in York, let me know asap!  I would like to go in the next few weeks xxx

They were hiding in trousers though, but I found them! hahahaha.

I spent some time in Inverness, newly known as a city, and some time out in the wilds, and it was all very nice indeedy. Thank you, you know who you are…!

Had some homemade dinner and homemade pudding, and even..breakfast in bed..spoiled me!

Scottish people are very hospitable, so friendly and helpful.. the taxis, the supermarket and cafes, and the streets are so super clean. I forgot that..  I’m proud to be Scottish! The good and decent people of Scotland will go out of their way to make you comfortable, it’s just how it is.  

One of the boys told me that I had to visit a certain bookshop, and I did… And you should go too.

Leakey’s of Church Street,  is the biggest second hand bookshop in Scotland, and it is something to behold.

An old Gaelic Church conversion, it looks like something out of a film. Olde Worlde, the logs are piled up for the fire, you can hear..listen to the creaking shelves, sshhh.. heavy with dusty books.. everyone whispers..or they just take tea n homemade buns at intervals…fabulous and wonderful.

I was quite overwhelmed at the amount of old books, and had a good browse. I knew that my case was packed to bursting, so didn’t buy anything, but I will next time. I could and will spend hours there..There is an open plan cafe upstairs, and the smell of homemade soup wafted all over the bookshop, simply gorgeous, and what a great welcome to Leakey’s. The pic above is the back of the menu..a little bit of the history, get your specs out!

I have only been to Inverness twice in my life, but I will certainly be back. If You are near there, and would like to meet me, then let me know!

I went by train, I like long train journeys. I catch up on my reading, and just stare out out the window at times, daydreaming..I never take my laptop or music, just books.

When you grow up in a place, you just don’t appreciate the beauty of it till you leave, and there are lots of places in Scotland that I would like to see and do.

So if you are up in Bonnie Scotland and would like to meet me, let me know, as I will be coming back several times this year?  I would like to see more of the Highlands and the West Coast.

More Scottish fun..I found this Scottish blog a while ago, scroll the archives for sure, it started in 2003, and was even reported in the newspapers.

A lady who bought a flat in Aberdeen..and didn’t know that it was above a brothel, till she moved in.

She was irritated at first, then amused, and started blogging about the fact that..Her Neighbours Were Hoors. Hilarious.

Understanding of Scottish dialects and phoenetics are needed, but there is a glossary to help you!

 www.myneighboursarehoors.blogspot.com

See this below? I was born in the country that looks like that. Be jealous. Isn’t that beautiful?

This is Eilean Donan Castle, made famous by the film ‘Highlander’. One of my fave films, and one of the reasons I chose the name of ‘Heather’ in my earlier days…

In the film ‘Highander’, the main character was Connor McLeod. His wife was called Heather. I have met the actress (Beatie Edney) who played her too, and told her of the Heather connection..but that’s another story!

I have just gone all Scottish haven’t I? I have 4 sets of tartan under frillies too..who remembers those then eh?

Got to make myself some sort of sporran knickers now, for next time, hehe.

And in the future jaunts, I’ll  need not ask Donald whare his troosers are, because I know that they will be on my bedroom floor, if I have anything to do with it.

http://www.punternet.com/frs/fr_view.php?recnum=91063

Thank you very much R!

For anyone reading my Punternet review…the ironing  board was attached to the wall.. right next to the bed? What a lovely picturesque feature of my hotel room, I do declare! I covered the hideous thing with my kimono.

When travelling, I just have to ‘Dollify’ my hotel rooms with twinkly lights etc.  Yes, I took Christmas Lights in my suitcase (I live in a house with perma-Christmas Lights..inside, but am a non Christmas fan) ..I also draped red underwear over the bedside lamps to give the room a rosier glow..OK, OK, turn it into a red light district.

When alone, those lights are still on, because I just like it.

So I am back from lovely Inverness..tell you more later, I’ve just been on a train for just about forever, yawn…ZZZzzzzz xxx

Check this lady out! Phooar!

The absolutely wonderful Bea of Nottingham is retiring mid June and if you’re quick, you might ‘Bea’ lucky to see her just before she pops off to pastures new. I have met Bea several times and she is such a delight, brilliant fun, a down to earth lady with good humour and effortless with it! I hope to keep in touch with her later, I’m sure we will.

That cute FACE and BODY is all her, it’s all Bea! I always joked with her before…you look like the cover of a Health and Fitness magazine..and she really does!  I would die to have those thighs, that skin, that natural pout! ..I’ve seen the real thing too, sigh…

Catch her if you can, even if you have to miss me out! She is worth it, and I just know that her diary is going to be very busy! Probably is already. Bea has a fabulous rep on Captain 69 and lovely FR’s on Punternet if you want to read further…and of course her lovely site..I’m loving those nautical pics!

www.miss-b.net

Or you’re nosey! I am honoured if you have missed me though!

Have had a few concerned calls and texts..no blog,  no posts around the forums..

Have just been super busy, all good stuff, and catching up with pals too..(don’t do that often enough)

One of my pals (non escort) has moved to Hollywood and is doing very well in the music industry there, she is one of my best friends and…she used to be my boss! How many people can say that…best friends with your past boss..?

I have had some awful ones, but I got a real goodie with her. We have had some wonderful times. 15yrs have elapsed now, we are so close, even from afar. I told her about Dollymopp in a pub, on a post-it note 3yrs ago..her face was a picture. Of course, like a real friend, she was fine.

I love her, and we never see enough of each other. She’s ok for me to mention her here.

What do you think..photos with the Hollywood sign in the background? Is that naff? Could I pull off naff? haha.

As to the lovely sentiments of asking where I am..I also have those sentiments about people too..

You can argue 3 times in one evening..and still matey hug at the end of it!

But they need their very own blog post..you know who you are…!? I love you too xxx