D-escort blog

(I’m visiting York  5-6-7 August, call or mail asap to arrange)

(I’m visiting Bristol  27-28-29 August, call or mail asap to arrange)

I said I was coming…? No smutty jokes there now, please..

Get in touch asap, you now how I like to be organised.

Now there should be a Yorkshire style photo with this post..oh dearie me, gratuitous smut has won the day..

(I’m visiting York  5-6-7 August, call or mail asap to arrange)

(I’m visiting Bristol  27-28-29 August, call or mail asap to arrange)

Tonight, my pal Bea was in town for a radio interview with Ian Collins on www.talksport.net and so we met up for some food and chat catch ups..we only drank water with lemon slices as she was off to the interview later!

You will know by now, that Bea is now a ‘naughty autobiographical author’, and yes…there is another book to come later! You can read this one first though..

A new blog too www.thegirlfriendexperience-bea.blogspot.com and that, is telling it like it is already. Book available at Amazon from there. In shops soon!

Being widely misinterpreted and edited like a half built jigsaw in national newspapers isn’t fun at all..but who in their right mind believes the tabloids anyway? Bea’s blog will put you right on the truth.

I am still waiting on my copy of GFE! Dying to read it…!

(Visiting Bristol 27-28-29 August, call or mail asap to arrange)

Apparently I do, and as my membership ran out a while ago…I can’t even read it myself!

Will have to join up again, I was going to anyway. www.captain69.co.uk

Oh the suspense! Well to whoever You are Mr..thank you very much for my 10/10 rating!

I DO hope you’re reading my blog…xxx Dollymopp

(Visiting Bristol 27-28-29 August, call or mail asap to arrange)

I have been invited to a very posh event in a few weeks time, and have been looking for a glam vintage frock for the said event. One of the best places for vintage is definitely.. 

www.frockmevintagefashion.com/about_frock_me.htm

and so I went there first. They have brilliant fairs in Chelsea Town Hall quite often. So much stuff! Lovely authentic tearooms, with homemade cakes n buns, real teacups n saucers and all dat jazzzz. Just gorgeous! Try it, you will love it.

I have a fair few considerations frock wise, it has to be of thin fabric because of summer heat, has to have sleeves of at least elbow length to cover tattoos, has to be either 40′s or 50′s style ( just because I just say so) , and has to be my size! This is difficult because vintage pieces are one of a kind now, and everyone was tiny then, so it seems..or I was wearing my circus mirror/skinny specs..yes..I was..obviously.

And the sorry tale goes like this….read on, and stop that laughing, yes, you at the back there. Yes, You.

Today, I went to a few shops oop West, and found the perfect dress, hurrah! It was my size! At last!

Went into the changing room..

The dress had one opening at the side, and a small opening at the neck. So I flung it over my head and then..

I got stuck! I mean, really stuck!

You know the contortionists who wiggle their way through tennis racquets? Well it was like that, but much worse. I’m not a contortionist! Ahem..well maybe sometimes…

 My face was now squashed under my armpit, and I could almost see my back. I couldn’t find the neck or the side opening, and could barely breathe. What a state to be in!

I was bouncing off walls and then, I think I fell over my bag (I couldn’t see, mind) and the frock tore a little bit, I heard it, eek!

I was wriggling about on the floor and thought..I’m going to have to shout for help and a crowbar/WD40, but as my face was all squeezed to one side, with my nose and mouth now around my left ear, I sounded like Quazimodo, but instead of ‘The bells, the bells’, it was  ’The frock, the frock’…haha. Frock Me indeed…I was well and truly frocked.

I managed to get up, and still,  I was becoming more and more entangled in peach crepe silk ..and so I thought, ‘Ah maybe gravity will help…I will jump up and down’

Oh.Dear.  Got tangled in what I think was my bag straps this time, and fell against the curtain and out of the changing room in full view..still waving my arms about , and by now my bag had half emptied, and I could hear stuff rolling about the  floor. Good job it wasn’t the ‘Dollymopp goes-a-visiting’ bag! (distant memories of the neon pink vibrator that nearly fell out of my bag at London Bridge train station…)

BUT!  This was good.. and you couldn’t make this up…the shop was really big, tons of stuff, and as no help came..

 I don’t think anyone saw me! Ah thank you God..

I got on my knees and crawled back in, using my hands as a guide as to where the curtains and walls were etc.

Then I bent over and tried pulling the dress from the back of my neck, and after 5 mins, SUCCESS!

I was out, and back in a changing room…just like Mr Ben.  

My face was scarlet, I had welts and weird patterns embedded all over me and my hair was like a scarecrow, haha.

But I was out! Phew..

Vintage sizing? Their 12, and my 12, is not the same 12, in modern UK terms.

I have a little sewing kit in my bag , you never know when you will need it, you know those little ones from hotels etc? So I found the tear, and sat in the changing room and sewed it back!  I did. But I had to use pink thread..hope no one notices! I’m good at sewing, and did a very neat job.

Suffice to say, I am now going to be making my own dress. I bought a Vintage Vogue pattern, (Dior’s ’New Look’ style) and several fabrics..Ooh which one will I use? All of them, eventually! Then I will always have a nice suitable dress for formal summer luncheons. I can make a hat to match, no problem. (I taught that Philip Treacy all he knows, hehe)

And I have appropriate gloves too. That’s my chosen dress on the right. Cute, huh?

I think I might be a Vintage Vamp, not like todays Vintage Tramp!