Ooh, lots to tell too.
Let me get dressed (ooer), fed and watered, and I will log on and tell you what I have been up to…
Right, I’m back.
Well, where to start..! Still catching up on emails, if you are still waiting, just call me.
Well, Bristol/Banksy was a palaver, and…I didn’t get in to the exhibition! Aaarghh..
I was consoled by a few lovely fun gentlemen inbetween though, so not all was lost, hehe.
On the day of my proposed Banksy V Bristol Museum visit, there was torrential hurricane style rainfall, and so on the way, I stopped off at a camping shop to purchase 2 camping seats, 2 rain ponchos, a bag of sandwiches and drinks, so my friend and I would be all set for the…wait for it…6 hour wait. Yes, 6 hours.
What!!!? I had read that there was a 3 hours wait before I left London.
I wasn’t keen but I thought well..if that’s what it takes..sigh.. Found out the queues started at 5am every morning.
Then after about 20mins of being madly rained on, wind flinging the tent/poncho around, me carrying bags and chairs, getting myself all tangled up etc, one of the museum attendants came up to my bit of the queue, waved his arm about 30 people in front of me and said, ‘This is the cut off point, behind this point, come back tomorrow, there is no chance of you getting in, sorry.’
By this time, I was completely drenched to the bone and had mascara running down my face, (what a sight) I looked like Alice Coopers grandmother who had just been dug up! I took a fonepic and sent it to my friends, one said ‘You look about 165, you look awful.’
So that’s not one for the blog!
So back to the hotel. Only had one set of casual clothes with me, so I had to dry them off for ages.
And to top it off….the rest of the day was a fabulous sunshiney day! PAH!!
Went for a good stroll about Bristol and walked over the Clifton Bridge, oohh not so good for vertigo sufferers..eek.
And upon my travels, I found Dr Burnonium’s Hot Sauce Emporium…ouch! You have to laugh at the labels on the bottles.
One of the boys there, well here is a funny story! Nothing to do with the pic on the left, mind!
New visitor was dressed very nicely and was wearing brand new boxer shorts..
And how did I know they were brand new?
Because at a certain point, I was slinking up the bed between his thighs, I removed the shorts and there it was, a wee bit of something stuck to the crown jewels. I thought.. oh what is that there…it was a sticker from the new shorts! You know the thing, a small circular sticker with a number on. Hahahaha! Aww, isn’t that sweet! Brand new shorts straight out of the pack, just for me! He was all coy and blushing, I was giggling my head off. You. Are. Prisoner. Number 6, haha!
Thanks y’all for a nice time in Bristol, XXX
Next stop, Paris!
Got there after 2hrs of sleep, was still sewing and packing at 4am..yawn. Train at 7am.
Was starving when I got there, so got me some chocolate for lovers of pensioners..Gran(n)y Maniacs!
I did have a few genuine requests from non-granny maniac garcons, but I felt it was quite late for them to organise properly, so promised to visit again soon!
What was all the sewing about? My outfit extravaganza to go see the Dita von Teese show performance!
I will get proper photos at some point, but here is a snapshot of my teeny hat . I went for an embroidered turquoise oriental style outfit, and made the hat too, to match Dita’s theme for the show.
The show has lots of turns, and they were all really really great too, but Dita was the main attraction, but of course.
Her first show was ‘Be Cointreauversial’ as she is the face of Cointreau at the moment.
It went something like this, but better! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQCNTGdQhd4
Here is a little preview of her Paris debut of ‘The Opium Den’ . This is what I saw!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8T2DXjSUtQ
This clip just doesn’t convey how it amazing it really is, so just go to Paris and see for yourself! It’s on for a good few weeks yet.
I was almost blinded by the sheer laser like opulence of the thousands of Swarovski crystals on her costumes! I needed my spectacles to see this spectacle. It was absolutely jaw dropping, ‘stop you in your tracks’ stuff. Everyone was mesmerised. How she does this so effortlessly is an incredible art in itself, never mind wearing a crystal kimono weighing in at 60lb.. and a corset laced and tightened to a waist measuring 16 inches. I have sore ribs from my corset this trip…!
Then of course, I had photographer Nicky Ryan over for the day, to do a Parisian style photoshoot! www.nickyryan.co.uk/blog
We started off on the Seine with the Eiffel Tower as backdrop, me in my new 50′s style dress, trying to be all ‘Gigi-esque’ etc, got some good shots there.. Then a ‘Joe le Taxi’ off to St Germain, as I wanted to do some ‘Sartre/Beauvoir meet at cafe/read existentialist books at Cafe de Flore and Le Deux Magots wearing specs and look interesting’ stuff, haha. Then off to Pigalle to hang about street corners wearing a beret, tight stripey top and tight black satin skirt, split to the thigh and with heels…Yes, (sweeps hair back dramatically) I did get a bit of attention there!
I said to Nicky, ‘You look like a tourist with your camera and bag, and I look like I’m trying to snare you, following you about here!’ People must have thought , oh check her out, not even discreet about it, annoying that poor man, following him about and not taking the hint to bugger off…
Funny things happened in St Germain, a complete stranger, French, quite dapper and groomed too, wanted to take a photo of me? He whipped out snaps from his jacket, ‘This is me with Monica Bellucci, this is me with Victoria Beckham, I met Hugh Grant over there…’
So now he has me in his collection. Wait till he finds out, he will throw the pic of me away! Hahaha! Other people asked Nicky if they could take my photo too. (no one asked me though!?)
At one point, a group of Japanese men were pointing at me and talking, and so, for a laugh, I kicked my heels up, hitched my skirt up a notch and winked at them, and they all started laughing. I’m not sure if they were laughing with me, or at me though!
I will have the pics pretty soon, so watch this space.
The Erotic Museum is in Pigalle of course, and you would imagine it’s all for tourist attraction, twee and a rip off, but it isn’t! It is really quite good. 8 Euros. 7 floors and I was in there for a few hours. There is a whole floor for ‘ladies’ so I was in there for a good while. Bought some stuff from the shop too. Playing cards with all the famous courtesans on, a book called ‘Naughty Paris’ and some postcards.
We found this awful thing, with well worn ‘fun fur’ and utterly vile and tired looking ‘Steptoe’ style ‘tongues’, oh I wouldn’t sit on this! The fur was all matted, oh dear, bleuurgh! Quite a good idea though! Le Chaise Steptoe, haha.
I signed the visitors book as ‘Dollymopp’ and put my website too, you never know, I might become part of the Parisian Erotic Museum history… in time?
