Sex Tips (circa 1894)
This is absolutely hilarious, equally sad..and when it was written, it was meant to be serious..
I read it out loud to myself in old ‘BBC’ received pronunciation English, spiffing splendid fun, what!
In 1894, Ruth Smythers the ‘beloved wife’ (how did this come about?) of the Reverend L.D. Smythers wrote:
‘While sex is at it’s best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured..’
Poor Ruthie was obviously married to a dreadful man who wasn’t very nice in the bedroom department.. What an awful life she must have led, the poor woman. She should have become a floozy..she would have had a better time of it!
So wrong, so sad, so oppressed, it’s comical and yet..it isn’t. I feel very sorry for dear Ruthie.
It’s called ‘SEX TIPS’, how curious a title..when it’s really a list of ‘how to not have sex at all’..
Here’s a few of those ‘tips’-
‘To the sensitive young woman who has had the benefits of proper upbringing, the wedding day is, ironically, both the happiest and most terrifying day of her life’
‘On the negative side, there is the wedding night, during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the first time, the terrible experience of sex’
‘Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude!’
‘A good wife should expect to have reduced sexual contacts to once a week by the end of the first year of marriage and to once a month by the end of the fifth year or marriage’
‘As time goes by, she should make every effort to reduce this frequency’
‘Feigned illness, sleepiness and headaches are among the wife’s best friends in this matter’
It gets better/worse/utterly horrifying ..it’s only £2.99 at Foyles Books.
Thank You Ruthie darling, Thank You…You are the reason I endure through the centuries, and always will..I wish I could have met you. I’m sure I would have made your life more bearable. Mind you..I would be much the poorer for it!
Ruthie may have survived better if she had access to something like www.littlebitcheaper.blogspot.com
